Valentine’s or “ValenTimes” Day *(Depending on who your mate is) is upon us! Many of us are single, some of us are dating around and not sure if the person we are dealing with is Valentine worthy, a lot of us don’t give two shits and many of us are going to find out where we stand when this special holiday comes around… But either way, this is for the Lovers out there. Simplicity goes a long way and I believe that this holiday should be split between the two, not just the man being “romantic” and baring gifts to the women. Most men beef about this holiday for two reasons 1) they feel as if they don’t benefit from it, it’s a “woman’s” holiday. 2) You got a side bitch and you have to make her feel as if you don’t care about this day so that you can spend it with your wife(y). Well whoever you choose to spend the holiday with I have some tips so that the two of you can enjoy the holiday equally!
1.TURN THE PHONES OFF!
Tell the hating homies and lonely bitches to go play in traffic. You have things to do. No phones, no texting, no nothing! The person you are with should get all of your attention on this day.
2. THEME MUSIC
Make a playlist of your favorite songs. Don’t rely on the radio to set the tone. A Herpes commercial fuck around and come on while you guys are getting hot and heavy. #Nobueno. Set the tone and get the mood flowing!
2. RED LIGHT SPECIAL
Do find a red light bulb and screw it in *wink*
3. LOVE SCENE
Find scented candles that creates a relaxing environment. Vanilla and Jasmines scents are a great idea as you don’t want something too strong and disturbing. Ambiance is everything!! Once the surroundings are set, take turns giving one another massages and NOT with baby oil either. Go to an adult store and purchase light scented massage oils. That damn baby oil dries up and God forbid the thread counts on your sheets are low, you’ll have lint balls in your ass for days!
4. PLAY WITH THE PIGGIES
Give one another manicure and pedicures. It doesn’t have to be perfect but the mere act of painting one anothers toes is sexy. Fellas it’s okay, let her file those nails, massage those feet and hands and put clear polish on you. #ItsNoHomo.
5. SEX IN THE KITCHEN
Help one another prepare a nice dish and do this naked! Cook something simple that won’t take up too much time like some shrimps, pasta, maybe a chicken salad or something. Exchange soft kisses during preparation and taste eachother’s secret recipes.
6. ORAL PRESENTATION
Indulge in the pleasure of oral stimulation throughout the day WITHOUT penetration. Tease one another and build toward that grand finale!
7. GO THERE
Do that forbidden thing that you normally don’t do in the bedroom with your mate this Valentine’s Day. Make him/her want to celebrate every year from now on!
8. SWEET WORDS
If you purchase cards for one another, read them to each other, its more heartfelt that way. Unless one of you can’t read. Nobody has time to help you sound out words so in that case forget the damn cards and be great.
9. MAKE A MESS
Syrups, Creams & Juices should be a major part of your day. Make a mess with them and have some slippery sticky fun! Clean the mess up with your tongue!
10. SPEND IT WITH THE ONE
Don’t spend this day with someone just because you have nothing else to do, then disappear on the 15th. Leading people on will get you kilt in 2013 so don’t play games.
ENJOY YOUR LOVERS HOLIDAY!
-Ayana
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